MINDFUL MONDAY: The Silent Treatment - Don't do it!
THE SILENT TREATMENT is a form of non-verbal, avoidant, and emotionally abusive (yes, abusive!) communication. It results in emotional pain by causing feelings of anxiousness and rejection, which can be damaging to the sense of security and trust that a person experiences in a relationship.
If you are using the SILENT TREATMENT to communicate with your spouse, children, extended family members, friends, coworkers, etc. when you are feeling angry or hurt....STOP!
The SILENT TREATMENT is the least clear form of communication that we could use. Yes, it communicates that we are upset, but it does not clearly communicate WHY we are upset. It can also be emotionally damaging, which can cause overall damage to your relationships.
Instead, do the following:
1) REFLECT on why you are REALLY upset.
Most often there is a deeper (fear or insecurity-based) reason for why we are feeling upset. So, be honest with yourself and in turn, be honest about why you are upset.
(Refer back to my other post on living authentically.)
2) Ask yourself these QUESTIONS:
a) What is this REALLY about for ME?
b) What is the #fear or #insecurity that lies at the heart of why I am upset?
c) What role have I played in allowing whatever it is that upset me to occur?
d) Have I clearly communicated my needs and expectations?
e) Have I set and maintained appropriate #boundaries?
3) Start COMMUNICATING more CLEARLY.
Put your grown-up pants on and speak your truth. Start verbalizing, in a kind and confident manner, why whatever may have occurred was upsetting for you.
Take ownership of your experience and explain how whatever it was that upset you tapped into your fears and insecurities. It may not be easy for you to find the right words, but a poor attempt at communicating honestly and openly is better than not communicating at all.
If you would like help with improving your communication skills, visit my CONTACT page and send me an email. You can also click or tap on the Schedule An Appointment button at the top of this webpage.
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Also, check out my PODCAST called Leaving Fear Behind.